I've been pretty tongue-in-cheek with my posts lately. It's fun to share the lighter side of what we're experiencing. But today I want to get really serious and discuss a deep and somber topic . . . toys. Really, toys? Aren't they fun? Isn't that the point? Yes! Honestly, though, there are few things that give me more pause as I survey the contents of our house than when I take a good honest look at the toy closet.
Before moving to India, I knew my kids had a lot of toys. We had room for them. We have a generous family who loves our kids and one way they show them is by giving gifts. I saw the sheer magnitude of toys and figured, oh well, all my friends with kids have the same thing going on in their closets -- if not more -- so it will be okay. I tried to make a habit of periodically giving away toys so Jed could learn about sharing. I encouraged friends and family to give gifts of time and experiences instead of toys when appropriate. I figured that the kids would remember going bowling with Aunt Candy and going fishing with Aunt Donna or going to the park with Aunt Caroline long after they forgot about the action figures and sports equipment in their toy box. Even the toys they like have special meaning because of the person who gave it or the experience they shared together because of it. Like the knight armor that reminds them of their trip to Medieval Times with the family. Or the red bouncy ball that they won't part with because it is a Valentine's present from Grandma Lee and Papa Jim. "Mama, it has a heart. That means they love us!" So, I was feeling pretty good about my kids not being too attached to things. I was feeling pretty good about the level of stuff my kids had floating around their room. Fast forward. Move to India . . .
When we were getting ready to leave, we HAD to reduce our amount of stuff. We were traveling with only what we could take on the plane. No extra shipments, no baggage fees. We traveled with 2 bags per person. I wanted my kids to feel that they weren't leaving all that was important to them behind. I let each of my boys pack a trunk for themselves. They put their favorite books, toys, puzzles, etc. in a trunk. Not to exceed 50 lbs. That meant we left behind well over 3/4 of their stuff. Again, I felt good. We had reduced by quite a bit and the kids weren't too broken up about it. Yeah, they mention some of the toys we left at their grandparents' houses, but mostly in the context of wanting to play with their grandparents when we visit. I felt great that we had actual toys fitting into one trunk in our home. It didn't take long, though, until I felt completely self-conscious about how many toys my kids have. As we visited other families, depending on their income level and status, I saw very few to no toys. Upper-middle class families may have a few cars, stuffed animals, tricycle, etc. Middle class families may have a few toy dishes, a doll, and a ball or two. Working-class families will maybe have 1-2 toys for their kids. And families like our house-helper's family will quite possibly have no toys for their kids.
I've seen kids playing on the street with pieces of cloth wrapped around a rock or a piece of plastic tied with string that was most likely found in the trash heap near their house. There is a great game that kids here play with nothing but a few rocks found on the side of the road. These kids don't seem to be missing out on having so many toys. They seem to be enjoying playing together and making up games with what they find. But, if we have kids visit us, I start to wonder what they think. Does my kids' closet look to them like a toy store? Do they wonder why we have allowed our children to have so many toys? How can we afford to have so many toys in our home when their family can only afford to eat meat maybe once a month?
I know I shouldn't care so much about others' perceptions. But since I really do care what messages we send to others and I have always cared what God thinks of our lives and how we spend our time and money, these questions do matter. Maybe our kids just need extra things so that they can have a bit of normalcy in their lives. But is that the kind of normalcy I want for them? About a month ago, Chris and I took away all the boys toys (except books, blocks, puzzles, sports equipment and trains) for a whole week for discipline. They also weren't allowed to use the computer or phone for entertainment. Wow, what did our kids do? How did they manage? Very well, actually. They didn't seem to miss all the other toys. When they wanted a sword or car or transformer or animal, they made one out of blocks. They did so well, in fact, that Chris and I considered getting rid of all the other toys just because or boys showed that the toys weren't very important to them. But we decided that wasn't quite the right approach and started giving things back to the kids when they asked about them. This week, we had a suitcase almost full of toys that they never asked about. Also, they have a closet with way more toys than their peers here.
Yesterday, Jed and I were talking about birthdays. It came up that our house helper and her brothers and sister don't know when their birthdays are. They have never celebrated a birthday and really only guess at their true ages. We talked about how they don't have birthday and Christmas parties to get a bunch of presents. Every year at 1-2 special events, they get a new set of clothes and maybe a kite or small toy to play with. Candy and chicken are very special treats. I think this really hit Jed. We had talked in the past about sharing our toys with our neighbors, but he had balked at the idea. Having given so much of what was familiar to him when we moved, he's held on tight to each and every possession as well as his time and personal space. I haven't faulted him for that or pushed him. He needs to work out all the changes in his time and his way. But last night, he asked me if he could share some of his toys with Big Sister's family. "YES!" was my enthusiastic reply. Abe quickly decided he wanted to 'share' too. We went to the suitcase where we stored the toys that haven't been touched in a month. There the boys dove in. Grabbing quite a few and saying, "Can we share this one?"
As we looked, I was struck with how excited they were. Jed still held close to some things -- mostly because he remembered who gave it to him. Abe was much more willy-nilly and I found myself wanting to nix a few of his ideas. Why did I feel the need to do that? Even if I saw a use for that particular toy, Abe didn't. Even if he enjoyed it in the past, he didn't need it. Even if he might use it in the future, it wasn't necessary. My boys' generosity and enthusiasm was so contagious and I found myself becoming so proud of their willingness to just give away.
Today we showed the bag with the selected toys to our house helper. "So Many Toys!" she exclaimed at the 30 or so small cars, action figures, balls, baby toys, etc. in the bag. It only half filled a plastic shopping bag. That was 'so many toys' in her mind. She has 3 younger brothers and a younger sister. She has 4 younger cousins who live next door. She has 3 more younger cousins that live nearby. I bet we'll see some of those toys again in the hands of her family members. But it sure gives a new perspective. Is a half-bag full of toys enough? Is a trunk full of toys enough? Is a closet full of toys enough? Is a house full of toys enough?
I guess each household and family has to decide for themselves where to draw this line. Unless, of course, their financial situation draws it for them. My prayer for my kids, though, is that they will continue to learn to be content with less, relentless with sharing, and creative as they adapt to their new environment. Also, that they will continue to value time with their relatives and friends far above any material possessions they may acquire. As we get ready to visit family and friends for my sister's wedding, stay tuned for some thoughts I've been having about returning home and the impact it has on our kids. Thanks for the love and prayers!
Shaving Cream Fun! My favorite way to keep the toys we have clean. Spray some 'snow' on the table and give the kids a bunch of their plastic toys to bury in it. It usually ends in a shower for the boys, too.
Before moving to India, I knew my kids had a lot of toys. We had room for them. We have a generous family who loves our kids and one way they show them is by giving gifts. I saw the sheer magnitude of toys and figured, oh well, all my friends with kids have the same thing going on in their closets -- if not more -- so it will be okay. I tried to make a habit of periodically giving away toys so Jed could learn about sharing. I encouraged friends and family to give gifts of time and experiences instead of toys when appropriate. I figured that the kids would remember going bowling with Aunt Candy and going fishing with Aunt Donna or going to the park with Aunt Caroline long after they forgot about the action figures and sports equipment in their toy box. Even the toys they like have special meaning because of the person who gave it or the experience they shared together because of it. Like the knight armor that reminds them of their trip to Medieval Times with the family. Or the red bouncy ball that they won't part with because it is a Valentine's present from Grandma Lee and Papa Jim. "Mama, it has a heart. That means they love us!" So, I was feeling pretty good about my kids not being too attached to things. I was feeling pretty good about the level of stuff my kids had floating around their room. Fast forward. Move to India . . .
When we were getting ready to leave, we HAD to reduce our amount of stuff. We were traveling with only what we could take on the plane. No extra shipments, no baggage fees. We traveled with 2 bags per person. I wanted my kids to feel that they weren't leaving all that was important to them behind. I let each of my boys pack a trunk for themselves. They put their favorite books, toys, puzzles, etc. in a trunk. Not to exceed 50 lbs. That meant we left behind well over 3/4 of their stuff. Again, I felt good. We had reduced by quite a bit and the kids weren't too broken up about it. Yeah, they mention some of the toys we left at their grandparents' houses, but mostly in the context of wanting to play with their grandparents when we visit. I felt great that we had actual toys fitting into one trunk in our home. It didn't take long, though, until I felt completely self-conscious about how many toys my kids have. As we visited other families, depending on their income level and status, I saw very few to no toys. Upper-middle class families may have a few cars, stuffed animals, tricycle, etc. Middle class families may have a few toy dishes, a doll, and a ball or two. Working-class families will maybe have 1-2 toys for their kids. And families like our house-helper's family will quite possibly have no toys for their kids.
I've seen kids playing on the street with pieces of cloth wrapped around a rock or a piece of plastic tied with string that was most likely found in the trash heap near their house. There is a great game that kids here play with nothing but a few rocks found on the side of the road. These kids don't seem to be missing out on having so many toys. They seem to be enjoying playing together and making up games with what they find. But, if we have kids visit us, I start to wonder what they think. Does my kids' closet look to them like a toy store? Do they wonder why we have allowed our children to have so many toys? How can we afford to have so many toys in our home when their family can only afford to eat meat maybe once a month?
I know I shouldn't care so much about others' perceptions. But since I really do care what messages we send to others and I have always cared what God thinks of our lives and how we spend our time and money, these questions do matter. Maybe our kids just need extra things so that they can have a bit of normalcy in their lives. But is that the kind of normalcy I want for them? About a month ago, Chris and I took away all the boys toys (except books, blocks, puzzles, sports equipment and trains) for a whole week for discipline. They also weren't allowed to use the computer or phone for entertainment. Wow, what did our kids do? How did they manage? Very well, actually. They didn't seem to miss all the other toys. When they wanted a sword or car or transformer or animal, they made one out of blocks. They did so well, in fact, that Chris and I considered getting rid of all the other toys just because or boys showed that the toys weren't very important to them. But we decided that wasn't quite the right approach and started giving things back to the kids when they asked about them. This week, we had a suitcase almost full of toys that they never asked about. Also, they have a closet with way more toys than their peers here.
Yesterday, Jed and I were talking about birthdays. It came up that our house helper and her brothers and sister don't know when their birthdays are. They have never celebrated a birthday and really only guess at their true ages. We talked about how they don't have birthday and Christmas parties to get a bunch of presents. Every year at 1-2 special events, they get a new set of clothes and maybe a kite or small toy to play with. Candy and chicken are very special treats. I think this really hit Jed. We had talked in the past about sharing our toys with our neighbors, but he had balked at the idea. Having given so much of what was familiar to him when we moved, he's held on tight to each and every possession as well as his time and personal space. I haven't faulted him for that or pushed him. He needs to work out all the changes in his time and his way. But last night, he asked me if he could share some of his toys with Big Sister's family. "YES!" was my enthusiastic reply. Abe quickly decided he wanted to 'share' too. We went to the suitcase where we stored the toys that haven't been touched in a month. There the boys dove in. Grabbing quite a few and saying, "Can we share this one?"
As we looked, I was struck with how excited they were. Jed still held close to some things -- mostly because he remembered who gave it to him. Abe was much more willy-nilly and I found myself wanting to nix a few of his ideas. Why did I feel the need to do that? Even if I saw a use for that particular toy, Abe didn't. Even if he enjoyed it in the past, he didn't need it. Even if he might use it in the future, it wasn't necessary. My boys' generosity and enthusiasm was so contagious and I found myself becoming so proud of their willingness to just give away.
Today we showed the bag with the selected toys to our house helper. "So Many Toys!" she exclaimed at the 30 or so small cars, action figures, balls, baby toys, etc. in the bag. It only half filled a plastic shopping bag. That was 'so many toys' in her mind. She has 3 younger brothers and a younger sister. She has 4 younger cousins who live next door. She has 3 more younger cousins that live nearby. I bet we'll see some of those toys again in the hands of her family members. But it sure gives a new perspective. Is a half-bag full of toys enough? Is a trunk full of toys enough? Is a closet full of toys enough? Is a house full of toys enough?
I guess each household and family has to decide for themselves where to draw this line. Unless, of course, their financial situation draws it for them. My prayer for my kids, though, is that they will continue to learn to be content with less, relentless with sharing, and creative as they adapt to their new environment. Also, that they will continue to value time with their relatives and friends far above any material possessions they may acquire. As we get ready to visit family and friends for my sister's wedding, stay tuned for some thoughts I've been having about returning home and the impact it has on our kids. Thanks for the love and prayers!
Shaving Cream Fun! My favorite way to keep the toys we have clean. Spray some 'snow' on the table and give the kids a bunch of their plastic toys to bury in it. It usually ends in a shower for the boys, too.
I love your heart and your conviction. you have communicated so well the tension that the spirit is letting you wrestle with. I wrestle with this too. I go through there toys regularly and let them make a give away pile.
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