Oh, the Hilton

I'm continuing to find things out about myself.  Maybe about people in general, but you can make that judgement call.  Did you know that it's pretty possible for me to manage things by myself when I'm comfortable?  If you knew me before my family made this crazy jump to India, you would be shocked and appalled to learn that I just took a family vacation, by my own design, to a Hilton hotel that butts up against a large mall -- complete with Pizza Hut, McDonald's, Dunkin Donuts, Starbucks, and Claire's Boutique (yes, they have one in India.)

While I was there, I found I had a lot more energy than I realized.  I braved monsoon rains with my 3 kids in an open-sided auto-rickshaw to get them immunizations.  I visited friends across town while Chris was in meetings.  I kept my cool with the kids when they were upset and we even ended up with a much more obedient Jed by the end of the week.  I was feeling very proud of myself and sure that I was making great strides towards thriving in this new country.

At the end of the week, we returned back to our home and within a few hours, I had blown up at the kids out of my frustration with their behavior.  I was exhausted by the heat when the power went out and couldn't fall asleep until the power came back on.  I lost hope as I realized my own feeble attempts to calm down and muscle through were falling short.  So, what happened?  Is there 'something in the air' as some of my friends here may say?  Nope.  Here are a few things I realized:

• People are capable of handling stress when they are physically comfortable.  In the hotel, I had constant AC.  I had foods I am used to and enjoy eating.  I didn't have to cook, clean, do laundry, etc.  I could leave the room and the hotel without being bombarded by an unfamiliar culture and outlook on life.
• People become their real selves when they are under stress.  Sadly, that means that my real self is stubborn, frustrated easily, impatient, and despairing.  Only by the grace of God does my real self change to be patient, kind, long-suffering, etc.
• When I am disconnected with God, I become more like my former self.  When I am connected with God, I become more like Jesus.  So, I need to spend time with Him daily or I quickly deteriorate back to that other lady that I don't like so much.

I wish it hadn't taken such a sharp contrast to remind me of my need for God.  I guess, in a way, I have an advantage over many people who have a more comfortable lifestyle.  I am constantly reminded of my need for God.  It's harder to remember when life felt more manageable.  So, here's to being sweaty, misunderstood, and confused!!!!  Thanks, God, for knowing what I need.