Dear Me

Well, I've been getting more excited about writing lately.  Maybe it's because my kids are getting a bit bigger and I see the light at the end of the sleepless night/intense day tunnel.  Maybe it's because there's a lot going on in my life right now and I want to remember it.  Maybe it's because my husband and others have been encouraging me to write more because they see how much joy I have in doing it and like what I write.  At any rate, I'm excited.  Still, sometimes I find it hard to know what to write about.  Some of the things I'm working through are fit for a blog post, some aren't.  Some things might be interesting to others and some only to myself.  Some things are just simply depressing and hard for an outside audience because stuff in this new place can be ugly and difficult.  So, besides writing on this blog, I've also started a journaling project where I write journal entries for 30 days straight, led by prompts that are sent to my inbox.  This is good for me.  I sometimes don't give myself the time I need to write.  I sometimes feel like it's just a frivolous pursuit and I shouldn't take that time out of more important things like homeschooling my kids or meeting my neighbors.  But, if I'm going to write, I should write . . . right?

So, today I was sifting through some journal prompts and one stuck out to me.  As I started thinking about it, I decided I'd make it into a blog entry.  The question was, what would I write to the Past Me?  To the Future Me?  Dear Me!!!  There's too much, but here's what's coming out as my fingers try to keep up with my brain.  Thanks to my High School Keyboarding Teacher!  If I was hunting and pecking, this blog would get nothing!

Dear Past Me,

It's not that big of a deal.  It's not like you're living in a different country with 3 small kids and very little language skill.  Seriously, though, get over yourself.  You have this and can do this.  Also, get ready.  Everything you thought you were going to be about is about to change.  I know you have all these great plans for your life, but why not put them away for a second?  Don't you think there's something bigger and better than your plans?  And, Small Town Girl, you aren't as important or as unimportant as you think you are.  There are waaaayy better musicians, thespians, students, orators, and teachers out there.  Just because you are good at these things in your town of 1500 people, it doesn't mean you are good at these things in a world of 7 billion.  Don't get down about that, just be real.  I know what your Daddy says, but he's a little biased.  You will get further if you see yourself as you are than as you think you are.  And you won't have it figured out by the time you're 36, either.  It's better that way.

And just because a few naysayers gripe at you and make fun of you because you don't fit in, don't sweat it.  You shouldn't.  You're not meant for small-town life.  Well, maybe small-town, but India small-town.  And small towns in India have a million people.  So, live it out and forgive them.  They know not what makes the world turn.  You have been given a huge gift of a family that loves you and that introduced you to God.  Take it and go with it.  Know that you aren't God's Golden Child and that hard things are coming.  Know that just because you haven't seen the heartache of some of your peers up until now, that doesn't mean that larger heartaches aren't coming.  And know that God's grace is big enough for those, too.  Get used to grace.  It will be the best and only thing to hold on to in the end.  Family will go.  Friends will be far away.  Faith will waiver.  What you thought was true or right will be questioned again and again.  But God's grace is new every morning.  Keep that.  Hold it.  It's not that big of a deal, after all.  We're heading somewhere much better than this place.  Or the place I'm in now.  Get ready.

Love, Present Me


Dear Future Me will be coming in the next post.