I am only sharing these thoughts on the internet because they’re just that good. No, really.
Chris and I were just having a conversation about our personalities. If you don’t know me, get ready. If you do, this won’t be any big news. I like to talk. I like to share my ideas. I like to be in front of people -- big groups of people -- and entertain or teach or inspire them. I’m on the jazz. (A-Team, Holla!)
In fact, I’ve enjoyed it so much that since I was a kid I can’t remember being nervous until I got to India (see my ’35 Going On 13’ post). In some ways, of course, it has been a blessing. If someone asks for my opinion, I always have something I could say. I can keep up a conversation all by myself. When the teacher is looking for the answer, my hand is raised. So, I think that God meant this part of my personality to be a blessing. Still, there’s a downside. I know, shocking isn’t it?
I was that annoying girl in class who always had her hand raised. I was brazen enough to think I knew more than my teachers -- who had masters degrees and PhDs and stuff. I have struggled my whole life with listening before I speak. I’m an outward processor, which basically means that stuff comes out of my mouth that I don’t even really think or feel because I figure it out while I’m talking. So, I can come off kind of prideful. Because I am kind of prideful.
My Daddy used to say that every sin stems from pride. He used to offer $20 to our Sunday School class if we could come up with any sin that didn’t stem from pride. We’d try and then he’d figure out how it was related and grin at us . . . come to think about it, it was a pretty prideful grin. All that to say, that my pride gets me in trouble.
God’s been working on me for a long time. I’m humble enough to realize I’m prideful, but not humble enough to not be prideful yet. So, God keeps working. Right now, He’s been nudging me to be silent more often.
I love small group discussions. I love the give and take of different ideas and opinions. I am realizing that I love them partly because I can share mine. Now, this isn’t all bad. It’s healthy for us to want to share our point of view with others. But, when it gets in the way of hearing others’ points of view, we lose the greatest benefit. How can I grow in understanding the world and knowing my (humble) place in it unless I listen? Right now I live in a place where I can understand only part of what I hear and can express only part of what I think because of a language barrier. This desperate need for listening is pinpointed more now to me than ever.
So, I was sharing with Chris how I’ve been trying to listen more and speak less. I’m trying to not be the first one to share in the discussion -- to sometimes not share at all -- but to just listen. It’s a process for me. I mean, my ideas and input are SO GOOD! Everyone needs to hear what’s coming from this brain! (You’re catching the sarcasm, right?) Really, though, isn’t that what I am thinking? I struggle with keeping my mouth shut and my ears open because I worry that the world will lose out if I don’t let my wisdom fly. Forget all those Proverbs about the wise holding their tongues. “The words of the wise bring healing.” That’s in there, too. I know, because my kids memorized it for homeschool.
It is going to be a process. I am praying that in 20 years when people meet me they have to wonder what I’m thinking once in a while. I am praying that I care more for what they’re saying than what I’m saying. It’s coming. It’s slow. I just have so much to give!
If you are a friend of mine and you’re reading this, know that I care and forgive me when I haven’t cared enough. It’s coming. It’s slow. Know that I know and call me out on it.
And if you’re thinking of calling me out on the irony of me posting about trying to share less and listen more to a mass audience of anyone in the world with a computer, I know. That’s on purpose. See, I told you this idea was just that good!
Chris and I were just having a conversation about our personalities. If you don’t know me, get ready. If you do, this won’t be any big news. I like to talk. I like to share my ideas. I like to be in front of people -- big groups of people -- and entertain or teach or inspire them. I’m on the jazz. (A-Team, Holla!)
In fact, I’ve enjoyed it so much that since I was a kid I can’t remember being nervous until I got to India (see my ’35 Going On 13’ post). In some ways, of course, it has been a blessing. If someone asks for my opinion, I always have something I could say. I can keep up a conversation all by myself. When the teacher is looking for the answer, my hand is raised. So, I think that God meant this part of my personality to be a blessing. Still, there’s a downside. I know, shocking isn’t it?
I was that annoying girl in class who always had her hand raised. I was brazen enough to think I knew more than my teachers -- who had masters degrees and PhDs and stuff. I have struggled my whole life with listening before I speak. I’m an outward processor, which basically means that stuff comes out of my mouth that I don’t even really think or feel because I figure it out while I’m talking. So, I can come off kind of prideful. Because I am kind of prideful.
My Daddy used to say that every sin stems from pride. He used to offer $20 to our Sunday School class if we could come up with any sin that didn’t stem from pride. We’d try and then he’d figure out how it was related and grin at us . . . come to think about it, it was a pretty prideful grin. All that to say, that my pride gets me in trouble.
God’s been working on me for a long time. I’m humble enough to realize I’m prideful, but not humble enough to not be prideful yet. So, God keeps working. Right now, He’s been nudging me to be silent more often.
I love small group discussions. I love the give and take of different ideas and opinions. I am realizing that I love them partly because I can share mine. Now, this isn’t all bad. It’s healthy for us to want to share our point of view with others. But, when it gets in the way of hearing others’ points of view, we lose the greatest benefit. How can I grow in understanding the world and knowing my (humble) place in it unless I listen? Right now I live in a place where I can understand only part of what I hear and can express only part of what I think because of a language barrier. This desperate need for listening is pinpointed more now to me than ever.
So, I was sharing with Chris how I’ve been trying to listen more and speak less. I’m trying to not be the first one to share in the discussion -- to sometimes not share at all -- but to just listen. It’s a process for me. I mean, my ideas and input are SO GOOD! Everyone needs to hear what’s coming from this brain! (You’re catching the sarcasm, right?) Really, though, isn’t that what I am thinking? I struggle with keeping my mouth shut and my ears open because I worry that the world will lose out if I don’t let my wisdom fly. Forget all those Proverbs about the wise holding their tongues. “The words of the wise bring healing.” That’s in there, too. I know, because my kids memorized it for homeschool.
It is going to be a process. I am praying that in 20 years when people meet me they have to wonder what I’m thinking once in a while. I am praying that I care more for what they’re saying than what I’m saying. It’s coming. It’s slow. I just have so much to give!
If you are a friend of mine and you’re reading this, know that I care and forgive me when I haven’t cared enough. It’s coming. It’s slow. Know that I know and call me out on it.
And if you’re thinking of calling me out on the irony of me posting about trying to share less and listen more to a mass audience of anyone in the world with a computer, I know. That’s on purpose. See, I told you this idea was just that good!
it has been so long since I read your blog. shame on me. But I havre been reading through a few of them, and I am enjoying them so much. I feel as thought I get to have a conversatoin with you
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